Graduate school was a very stressful experience for me and I developed a few coping mechanisms: eating lots of brownies and taking walks. And while typically I would stroll through the local city forest, there were other times when it helped to walk through the mall (or some other crowded place) and be surrounded by strangers.

I found it reassuring to be around people who didn’t know who I was, that I had just screwed up my econometric model or made a mistake with my data.

Last week, after a particularly draining workday and an argument with a friend who lives on the mainland, I felt the need to go for one of those “mall walks.” As surprising as this may be to some, there’s no mall on Isle au Haut. So I just started down our one road.

I had been walking for no more than three minutes when Billy drove by and waved. I smiled back half-heartedly, still lost in my own thoughts about the argument I had had. A few moments later, Nancy drove by. Then Paula. Then Brenda.

My efforts to find that “crowd anonymity” were in vain. When you live on an island with approximately 35 other people, there are no strangers.

As I walked (and continued waving to people), I started thinking.

When you live in such close proximity with so few people, you’re going to bump up against those who have different opinions, goals and personalities. In a larger mainland community, it is easier to separate yourself from those people with whom you disagree. You can associate with likeminded people and, if you prefer, have minimal contact with anyone you don’t get along with.

But it was explained to me that living on an island, while you’re not going to be friends with everyone, they’re still a part of your island family. When push comes to shove, no matter what weekly drama is going on or which family historically doesn’t get along with another family, everyone comes together.

Time and time again I have seen examples of people who typically don’t even say “hello” on the dock working side by side to find a missing hiker, to discover a solution to our island store problem or help with a house fire. Everyone has the same goal—keep the community alive.

You don’t have the luxury of being anonymous when you live on an island. 

While every once in a while I do miss being able to take a moment to get lost in the crowd, being a part of an island family is so much more rewarding.